Cyber Sojourn

The romance and adventures of a naturalist through the wilds of the Internet

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Enjoy throwing kisses to the world, hugging trees, petting my dog, cuddling up with a good book to read, loving all of God's creatures great and small, writing poetry, the romance of fireflies dancing in the fields and forests, hiking, camping, fishing, sailing, scuba diving, waterfalls, the ocean, and the company of good people who are working to make the world a better place for the children of the future.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Infidelity Golf Balls

Infidelity Golf Balls

Infidelity Golf Balls

A collection of gift and apparel designs inspired by the Tiger Woods sex scandal

Women gravitate toward men who are successful, rich and can provide for them. This is not an expression of male chauvinism so much as a truism. Our modern culture still promotes the ideal that a woman will marry a successful man, one who has money and can provide a good home and quality life for her and their children. Therefore it should come as no surprise to learn that the most successful athlete of the decade, Tiger Woods, has what amounts to a harem.

Women have been trying to get into Tiger's pants since he scored his first hole in one by winning a string of PGA tournaments and green jackets. Anyone in the know can tell you that as soon as a man puts on one of those green jackets and walks into a country club, women are going to be looking at him with seductive, longing eyes. One would have to be a eunuch to resist the temptation that comes with putting on a green PGA tournament winner's jacket.

Tiger Woods has accumulated over a $1,000,000,000 dollars knocking golf balls into holes; it is no wonder his putter is in such high demand by women hoping to get a piece of the action. Here we have a super golf pro champion, with earnings of over $100-million annually in commercial endorsements, a very successful gentleman by any standard. Is should therefore come as no surprise that women would be lined up around the corner to jump into the sack with Tiger, just as they do with a rock star.

Tips From A Pro: Infidelity is the one sport where everyone is a cheater

In fact, our modern culture promotes such infidelity. Whether you are a man or a woman, the advertising industry realized a long time ago that sex sells products. Hence sexy or handsome male or female athletes have become the standard used to pitch everything from breakfast cereal to automobiles. It does not matter if a successful athlete uses the products they are promoting or knows anything about them; as long as there is a beautiful body to pitch the products, that is all that counts.

Celebrity sells products and nothing sells products better than a sexy champion athlete. Hence when a champion like Tiger Woods comes along, commercial endorsements follow and his coffers fill to the brim. It matters not what Tiger's moral are, if he has any or not, those who seek only to sell a product come knocking at the door, begging to stamp his name on their products. For Tiger the flood of money which followed his endorsement has funded the purchase of everything from a $27.5 million dollar yacht, to a private jet and mansion size home.

A man who enjoys the company of beautiful women is easily seduced; Tiger's problem is perhaps that he married before he was done sowing his wild oats. Perhaps his wife, Elin, is not his soul mate, nor the true love of his wife, making it easy for him to fall into the arms of other women. Yes, marriage comes with vows, and Tiger has broken whatever his marital vows were. In fact, judging from the number of women coming out of the woodwork claiming to have been Tiger's mistress, he has shattered whatever marriage vows there were, perhaps beyond repair. Probably no amount of marriage counseling could fix what has been broken, as what women could trust a man who has bedded up with a harem of golf groupies, super models and even prostitutes?

If you are cheating on your wife, lock your clubs in the trunk.

Unfortunately morality is not one of the attributes which is born into an athlete. One must learn to be moral, faithful and how to love from their parents. Yet even when children are raised believing in God, going to church every Sunday, and being taught how to obey God's law, still there is temptation and as sinners, resisting temptation does not come easily. That's why in judging Tiger's infidelity we should each first look into our own hearts and see how we have sinned? What have you done to hurt or harm yourself or others as a result of temptation?

It's easy to joke about Tiger's transgressions. In fact, every late night show comedian and talk show host has been doing exactly that since the Tiger Woods sex scandal broke. Tiger has been the target of more jokes, perhaps, that holes in one he has scored, and I'm not talking golf balls here. Likely as not his indiscretions will result in the loss of commercial endorsements, as no company wants their products to be associated with a sex scandal or such ridicule and jokes as are being spouted in regard to Tiger Woods.

Yet Tiger will probably be able to weather the storm. After all, Tiger Woods has accumulated over $1-billion driving balls down the fairway and putting them on the green. If Elin divorces Tiger, he will be free to pick and chose from among the many women who fancy his eye and would like to sail away with him on his $27.5-million yacht. Upon the high seas and foreign ports of call, Tiger will have ample opportunity to express his lust without the glaring eye of a critical Puritanical, Protestant public handicapping him.

Never do anything you would have to lie to your wife about

A billion dollars can go a long way, and although money cannot buy happiness, Tiger isn't hurting when it comes to paying the bills. Millions of Americans have lost their jobs and homes due to the recession; millions of more are without health care. In contrast, Tiger Woods is a billionaire who earned his fortune hitting a golf ball and getting commercial endorsements. Quite frankly that is not real work in my book; it is just playing ball. The fact so many women would be drawn to a man who has made his living with his putter should also tell you something about those women -- that they are prostituting themselves one way or another just as is Tiger. What it also tells me is that Tiger is not hurting; he can pick and chose from a dozen or more beautiful women to keep him company on any given night -- certainly in time he should be able to learn from his mistakes and find another wife who loves him, not just his money, should he lose Elin.

However, I have my doubts about Tiger's ability to find and keep a good woman. I simply do not think Tiger has suffered enough to get that light to pop on in his head that he has been a fool and must mend his ways. Do you know what I'm talking about? Sometimes in life we have to loose everything to realize what it really is that is important. Through loss and suffering we come to learn how precious is what we have, and I don't mean money or material possessions. It is very possible that if Elin divorces Tiger, he will learn one of those hard lessons of life, that Elin and their children were more precious than all of Tiger's money.

Still I cannot cry for Tiger. While he is off sailing the world in his luxurious $27.5-million yacht, I am struggling to pay my bills every month. I am one of the millions of struggling Americans who lost their home during the recession. I am one of the millions of Americans who do not have health insurance. Though I work more than 12 hours a day, the economy is so bad that I still have trouble making enough money to make ends meet. The idea that a man can make hundreds of millions of dollars hitting a ball in a hole, makes me ask a lot of questions about our modern society, its values and nature. How can hitting a ball into a hole earn a man or woman more money than a hard day's work year in and year out? Why do we place such a high value on athletic abilities, regardless of one's moral consciousness?

Keep your putter in your pants and your balls in your pocket

Perhaps none of us can change the world over night. I may know how to love a woman, but what woman is going to love me if I do not even have enough money to pay my bills? Women are attracted to men who have Tiger's kind of money; even if its just for a one-night-stand, a $27.5-million yacht and a private jet will get a man laid. I drive around in a 20-year old van, which isn't getting me much action. Nor is all the art I make doing much to get me laid. Though getting laid isn't a measure of a man's worth, it sure is a boost to the ego. Hence, I'm not crying any tears for Tiger, nor do I have much sympathy for him. What I am doing is the same thing all the late night show host and comedians are doing: making jokes and gossiping about Tiger. For you see, every newspaper and media outlet in the world is making money off Tiger's troubles; so why not do the same?

The Tiger Woods sex scandal inspired me to create a series of "Infidelity Golf Ball" designs poking fun at Tiger. These are based upon a golf ball with lipstick prints symbolic of infidelity. I have added "Tips from a Pro" to each design and made these available upon gifts and apparel. Perhaps I'll be able to make a few dollars off of the Tiger Woods sex scandal just like so many other people are doing. Who knows, maybe these witty and whimsical designs will even get me laid! :-)

Tips from a Pro: Man does not live by golf alone.


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